For the people who seem to have it all yet hunger for so much. This is not the psychopop of twelve-step, i-got-in-touch-with-my-anger-today, neurosis-no-more books. 'gifted' here has nothing to do with what your school counselor/teacher told was gifted or talented. Rather, the original german word refers to the ability to empathize and meet the needs of a parent figure--at the loss of your true self. While this gift might enable one to survive his/her childhood, the gifted person's unmet need to for the people who seem to have it all yet hunger for so much. This is not the psychopop of twelve-step, i-got-in-touch-with-my-anger-today, neurosis-no-more books. 'gifted' here has nothing to do with what your school counselor/teacher told was gifted or talented.

Rather, the original german word refers to the ability to empathize and meet the needs of a parent figure--at the loss of your true self. While this gift might enable one to survive his/her childhood, the gifted person's unmet need to express without fear her true feelings and wishes lingers like a virus that wreaks a quiet havoc on one's sense of self throughout adulthood if untreated. This book offers the start of such treatment, best summed-up in a word: hope. Thanks to this book, i have a lot of hope. Not to mention a keener understanding of a lot of the characters in my life--the good, the bad, and the ugly.

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We gifted types are everywhere. Miller presents a solid theory with some difficult truths, but at time the narrowness of her idea turns into a sort of tunnel vision with sweeping generalizations that are far too much. Install Mysql Module Php Windows 7. She gets carried away with herself and disregards other influences, other options. I always bristle at any theory that attempts to explain everything with a single reason or cause, especially in the complicated matters of psychology or human emotion. Regardless, the clarity of her presentation makes this an easy Miller presents a solid theory with some difficult truths, but at time the narrowness of her idea turns into a sort of tunnel vision with sweeping generalizations that are far too much. She gets carried away with herself and disregards other influences, other options.

I always bristle at any theory that attempts to explain everything with a single reason or cause, especially in the complicated matters of psychology or human emotion. Regardless, the clarity of her presentation makes this an easy read, and Miller's ideas have a great foundation, doubtless a benefit to many, many people. (There were, however, times when I felt an equally apt title would have been, 'Yes, you really are fucked up, no matter what you think, and it's all mommy's fault!' I'm fairly certain that my parents' toilet training techniques contribued nothing to why I'm a hot mess.

In fact, I'd be willing to bet their success in that endeavor has significantly aided me in my quest to be anything other than a filthy hermit. That part made me choke on my tea.) Two quotes from the book that I really liked: 'The true opposite of depression is neither gaiety nor absence of pain, but vitality--the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.' 61:] '.I can understand my suicidal ideas better now, especially those I had in my youth.because in a way I had always been living a life that wasn't mine, that I didn't want, and that I was ready to throw away.' They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. -Philip Larkin, This Be The Verse Not the facile pop-psychology I was expecting, rather a book with some penetrating insights. As other reviewers note, 'gifted' in this context does not refer necessarily to academic or artistic gifts (though these are common in the patient group Miller describes), rather a kind of emotional sensitivity. Briefly, Miller de They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. -Philip Larkin, This Be The Verse Not the facile pop-psychology I was expecting, rather a book with some penetrating insights. As other reviewers note, 'gifted' in this context does not refer necessarily to academic or artistic gifts (though these are common in the patient group Miller describes), rather a kind of emotional sensitivity. Briefly, Miller describes the narcissistic personality disturbance. Here narcissistic is used not in the broad sense of vain, being in love with yourself etc. This narcissism is an internalisation of the great expectations of one's parents, the consequent lasting feelings of inadequacy and drive to greater and greater successes (that leave one hollow).

Narcissus did not fall in love with himself, but with a false reflection of himself. The twin manifestations of narcissism are grandiosity and depression. Each is a defence against the other. Grandiosity arises as a person feels their achievements render them superior to everyone else.

Depression strikes when they realise they will never achieve as much as 'necessary' to support their ego, or that all achievements are empty. Both these manifestations can be traced back to a failure to express one's true self and an idealisation of a false-self instilled by parental desires, pride, ambition, vicarious status-seeking etc. Grandiosity is characterised by contempt for others (who have not, as a casual example, read as many books or displayed as brilliant intellectual and artistic accomplishments). Depression is characterised by contempt for oneself, when one does not (cannot) meet one's own expectations. Anything less than world-historical greatness (and perhaps even that) is seen as failure, that is, pathetic mediocrity. Notably, parents do not have to be physically abusive to have these effects.

A small child, entirely dependent on its parents for all its needs, will do anything to ensure their attention and will take careful note of the smallest expressions of admiration or derision. Thus a keen sensitivity as a child instils a cripplingly powerful super-ego.

Miller claims that the key to these feelings is the realisation that one was loved as a child not for who one was, but (in large part at least) because of one's achievements. This leaves the child always desperate to achieve more, to safeguard their parents' love. One's own personality, desires, needs and emotions are suppressed to create a projected perfection which attracts love and awe. Recognition of this allows the patients to be who they are for the first time and to experience their own emotions - both positive and negative. It is remarkably difficult for some people to even contemplate negative thoughts towards their parents. Childhood memories of abuse are among the most strongly suppressed or displaced.

Miller references Ingmar Bergman who described in great detail the violent abuse his brother faced at his father's hands, but had no recollection of any mistreatment to himself. (Of course, it seems rather unlikely that he went through his childhood entirely unscathed). This is all pretty simplified, the book is brief and well worth reading particularly if you see aspects of yourself or someone you know in the above. Though some of the book passed me by there were sentences that gutted me like a fish. As I look forward to becoming a parent myself within the next few months (against Larkin's advice, if you know the rest of the poem) I can only hope to not fuck up my child, or at least to fuck them up as little as possible. That is, to avoid projecting my own desires and fantasies and personal conception of success onto them and to allow them to flourish as their own person.

I read this in my mid-30s and at the time, I found this to be the most helpful book I had ever read. Narcissism is fully explained - though many may think that is just another word for self-centeredness - in its many complexities. The title is misleading and apparently renamed for marketing purposes. The child who is victimized by the Narcissist is gifted because they deal with such heavy challenges and become over-sensitive to others' needs, always eager to please, while suppressing their own s I read this in my mid-30s and at the time, I found this to be the most helpful book I had ever read. Narcissism is fully explained - though many may think that is just another word for self-centeredness - in its many complexities. The title is misleading and apparently renamed for marketing purposes.

The child who is victimized by the Narcissist is gifted because they deal with such heavy challenges and become over-sensitive to others' needs, always eager to please, while suppressing their own self-knowledge, emotions and needs. The book described my life in extraordinary detail, it was a catharsis to see expressed what I never could have spoken. There were a few details that did not match my life for sure, but on the whole, this book freed me. The book describes the extraordinary behaviors, symptoms, resulting characteristics in both the Narcissist and the victim. Too you can't explain away a person with just one cause, and no one is a pure Narcissist, nor should anyone be a total victim. The biggest drawback to the book is that after reading it, being enlightened and more aware of Narcissistic behavior and the stunted growth of the victims.you then say: then what? Alice Miller never ever talks about forgiveness or how to overcome being victimized, stuck in indignation.

Learning the exercise of gratitude and forgiveness is the only way to beat the despair of self-pity. Today if I read it, I might take exception to the Freudian slant, to her constant complaining, to her utter atheistic outlook - but at the time I read this book, I was in no shape to weigh those kinds of things. The title here is a bit of a misnomer - 'Gifted Child' in this sense does not necessarily mean a child of academic gifts, but one with an attuned empathetic sense, and thus susceptible to emotional abuse. When this sense is combined with a deficiency or disorder on the part of the parent - anxiety, manic-depressive, etc., the child has to go to extreme lengths.

This creates two 'selves' - the 'true self' - that is, the child's own 'genuine' personality and needs, and the 'false self', complying, The title here is a bit of a misnomer - 'Gifted Child' in this sense does not necessarily mean a child of academic gifts, but one with an attuned empathetic sense, and thus susceptible to emotional abuse. When this sense is combined with a deficiency or disorder on the part of the parent - anxiety, manic-depressive, etc., the child has to go to extreme lengths.

This creates two 'selves' - the 'true self' - that is, the child's own 'genuine' personality and needs, and the 'false self', complying, totally obedient, utterly withdrawn, willing to lie in order to present a false happy image. Alaska Bm 2000 Bedienungsanleitung Pdf Editor more. The true self is subsumed to the lie, or the false self. The personal needs are neglected. Now what's the problem with all this, you ask? If a child is intelligent enough to perform on their own, and emotionally intelligent enough to perceive what their parents want, they may yet be ignored or blindsided in order for the parent to perform their own needs first, and the child's as secondary or auxiliary.

Such a book is extremely uncomfortable to read. Perhaps for many it hits too hard.

Although there have been some (many?) superseding advances in developmental + environmental psychology as well as the epigenetics of mental disorder and abuse, this is still a fascinating read. This is an excellent book for learning more about yourself, how you became the way you are, and also as a possible source of help regarding the causes and cure of any emotional difficulties you may have. It will also help you better understand the people around you and how they came to be the way they are. It is a good source of psychological knowledge. Alice Miller shows very clearly how the way our parents raised us when we are children formed us psychologically. Alice Miller wrote her second b This is an excellent book for learning more about yourself, how you became the way you are, and also as a possible source of help regarding the causes and cure of any emotional difficulties you may have.

It will also help you better understand the people around you and how they came to be the way they are. It is a good source of psychological knowledge.

Alice Miller shows very clearly how the way our parents raised us when we are children formed us psychologically. Alice Miller wrote her second book, For Your Own Good, as a continuation of this book, and I think the detailed examples and analysis she provides in the second book will be very interesting to anybody who likes Drama of the Gifted Child. Another thing that I found helpful was to re-read Drama of the Gifted Child some time after reading For Your Own Good, to see how much more I was able to learn from it after having some time to react emotionally to what I had read the first time. I learned so much that I was inspired to keep re-reading her books periodically to continue learning more and more.

Initially Alice Miller's claims about the extent of damage done to us by our parents seemed exaggerated to me, and I felt that one should not say such things about parents. After recovering somewhat from my parent's punishment of me for saying the truth to them about themselves during my childhood, I am now able to realize that it is true that the most commonly practiced child-rearing practices devastate us psychologically, and that I need to re-discover what my parents did to me during my childhood and how I felt about it in order to recover my psychological health. For those who have the ability to heal from the traumas they suffered by feeling the repressed feelings from those traumas, Alice Miller's books provide enough information to provoke a long-term emotional healing process. This healing improves your psychological health, and, she claims, will eventually lead to the re-discovery of your true self, your untraumatized soul. I hope this is true. Highly recommended. Ignore the title.

This is a book for anyone struggling with their childhood. And not only those who were abused or not, it's basically anyone that had tough things happen in their childhood that weren't dealed with appropriately. I would think everyone would fall into this category. The book was written for therapists, but a lot of patients end up reading it. The author believes that depression really comes from the separation of your real self with yourself.in other words, kids who grow up in Ignore the title. This is a book for anyone struggling with their childhood.

And not only those who were abused or not, it's basically anyone that had tough things happen in their childhood that weren't dealed with appropriately. I would think everyone would fall into this category. The book was written for therapists, but a lot of patients end up reading it. The author believes that depression really comes from the separation of your real self with yourself.in other words, kids who grow up into a false self to please their parents are depressed over this separation of self. This all happens via illusions towards your childhood and not dealing with the truth and most importantly not mourning the loss. Obviously, I'm paraphrasing, but it's a good book, and very direct/short.

The one complaint I have so far is that she gives advice for confronting your childhood as an adult, but she doesn't give advice on how to raise kids even though she shares a lot of the don'ts. ___________________________________________________________________ So after finishing this book, I still found it good and it had great food for thought. But there wasn't a lot of hopefulness in it, and I felt like it was lacking constructive examples of how to take her advice and confront and mourn things that went wrong in your own childhood.

Maybe I'm dense, because confronting and mourning should be pretty straight forward, but I would have still appreciated some more insight in how to do it. Also, this was a book written for therapists and not patients so that could have something to do with the lack of hands on advice. I liked this book better than I expected to. I had read good things about it; apparently the author's insights on childhood were important in developing psychological understanding in the 70's and later. But I was afraid it was going to be a sort of polemic against parents. Rather, it was more a warning for therapists -- she makes the point that therapists often go into the field because of unresolved issues in their own past and if they are not careful, ie, if they don't have therapy to work th I liked this book better than I expected to. I had read good things about it; apparently the author's insights on childhood were important in developing psychological understanding in the 70's and later.

But I was afraid it was going to be a sort of polemic against parents. Rather, it was more a warning for therapists -- she makes the point that therapists often go into the field because of unresolved issues in their own past and if they are not careful, ie, if they don't have therapy to work through their own issues, they may end up perpetrating their own child/parent relationship on their patients. I think this is something I've often wondered about (since I know therapists who are messes as human beings) so it was good to see it discussed.

The book is not comprehensive -- a lot of things are brought up as side-points that could, and have, easily become a book-length topic. So it seems like this book has value as a 'germinal' book, starting new conversations rather than coming to a final conclusions about anything.

Alice Miller An examination of childhood trauma and its surreptitious, debilitating effects by one of the world's leading psychoanalysts. Never before has world-renowned psychoanalyst Alice Miller examined so persuasively the long-range consequences of childhood abuse on the body. Using the experiences of her patients along with the biographical stories of literary giants such as Virginia Woolf, Franz Kafka, and Marcel Proust, Miller shows how a child's humiliation, impotence, and bottled rage will manifest itself as adult illness - be it cancer, stroke, or other debilitating diseases.

Never one to shy away from controversy, Miller urges society as a whole to jettison its belief in the Fourth Commandment and not to extend forgiveness to parents whose tyrannical childrearing methods have resulted in unhappy, and often ruined, adult lives. In this empowering work, writes Rutgers professor Philip Greven, '[listeners] will learn how to confront the overt and covert traumas of their own childhoods with the enlightened guidance of Alice Miller.' Alice Miller For Your Own Good, the contemporary classic exploring the serious if not gravely dangerous consequences parental cruelty can bring to bear on children everywhere, is one of the central works by Alice Miller, the celebrated Swiss psychoanalyst.

With her typically lucid, strong, and poetic language, Miller investigates the personal stories and case histories of various self-destructive and/or violent individuals to expand on her theories about the long-term effects of abusive child-rearing. Her conclusions - on what sort of parenting can create a drug addict, or a murderer, or a Hitler - offer much insight, and make a good deal of sense, while also straying far from psychoanalytic dogma about human nature, which Miller vehemently rejects. This important study paints a shocking picture of the violent world - indeed, of the ever-more-violent world - that each generation helps to create when traditional upbringing, with its hidden cruelty, is perpetuated. The book also presents listeners with useful solutions in this regard - namely, to re-sensitize the victimized child who has been trapped within the adult, and to unlock the emotional life that has been frozen in repression.